The Euphemist

Reflections on Jewish Studies and many other subjects big and little, by a perpetual student who sometimes searches a little too long for just the right word ...

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Location: Minnesota, United States

Christian, truth seeker, husband, son, brother & uncle, Lutheran pastor, musician (cello, etc.), Jewish Studies grad student, intellectual historian, aquarium enthusiast & pet owner, philologist, astronomer, Norwegian-American, Ford pickup driver, buffoon.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Have you ever ...

Everything's all iced up here in the Upper Midwest, and now the snow will be coming. Perfect time for one of these meme things, though I have some serious stuff up my sleeve this week, too. Dave just did this one, which looks fun.

Have you ever...:

Smoked a cigarette or tried it:: I think I've smoked about 5-6 in my life, but not for nearly a decade now. I was curious, but never understood the attraction. I don't think I ever will again, but occasionally the thought crosses my mind of trying one of those "Swisher Sweets" cigars - but I'll probably never really do that, either.

Crashed a friend's car:: No.

Stolen a car:: No.

Been dumped:: As in, by a lady? I don't think so - unless I blocked it out of my memory.

Shoplifted:: No.

Been fired /laid off:: Happy to say I haven't.

Been in a fist fight:: I never send my fists out on a mission they can't complete. If I did, the results would be ludicrous.

Snuck out of your parent's house:: Not that I can recall.

Been arrested:: Not exactly. Once I was detained about 10-15 minutes when I walked out of a McDonald's wearing the same general outfit as a suspect who had reportedly just been intimidating/verbally abusing a woman at that premises.

Gone on a blind date: : Not really, though I think once or twice I was invited to someone's place at the same time as someone else - it definitely looked like our mutual friends were trying to get us to meet each other. It didn't go anywhere.

Lied to a friend:: Yes, but not for a long time.

Skipped school:: Once in 6th Grade I accidentally skipped school, when we'd been at the nearby public library and I got confused about what time it was. I was hanging around on the steps when I suddenly realized that there was over an hour left, and I was supposed to be back at school. I didn't get in trouble, but it was a close one.

Seen someone die:: No, come close to it a few times, though. A parishioner with heart problems collapsed on the street near our house on a cold evening. I think he was already dead when I came upon him, but I really don't know. Once in heavy traffic on I-10 in Texas a couple years ago I saw someone stretched out on the ground after an accident, with others gathered around. Very chilling. I never found out whether he was alive or dead.

Been to Canada:: Many times to Manitoba, once to Saskatchewan.

Been to Mexico:: Walked about 10 blocks into Neuvo Laredo. Once I had a little scare when I was attempting to reenter the USA. The customs guards didn't think I talked like an American! Just because I talk like someone from the movie "Fargo" ... (which hadn't come out yet at the time - maybe it would have helped ...)

Eaten Sushi: :No, and don't intend to. Why do you need sushi when there's lutefisk?

Met someone in person from the internet:: No.

Taken pain-killers:: Does aspirin count?

Had a tea party:: I've had parties with tea, but I'm not sure that they constituted a "tea party" in the classic sense of the term.

Cheated while playing a game:: Possibly once or twice, but not for ages.

Fallen asleep at work:: My work includes desk work such as writing sermons, so I guess I've even put myself to sleep a few times!

Used a fake ID: :Nope, never had one, never used one.

Felt an earthquake: :In 1975 (July, I think), there was a strong earth tremor in West Central Minnesota, which I remember vividly. I was 10. My sister accused me of jumping up and down in my bed and waking her up, but the joke was on her, since she was the one still in bed! Sorry, sis, I had to say it ...

Touched a snake:: I occasionally caught garter snakes with my bare hands when I was a kid. But I really preferred frogs.

Been robbed: :No.

Petted a reindeer/goat:: I bring quarters to feed the goats every time we go to the zoo.

Won a contest:: I won a desk clock from "Thrivent Financial for Lutherans" for answering a few online trivia questions about Thrivent (they generously told you where to find the answers). 14 years ago as a student pastor in North Dakota I sometimes played duets with an elderly lady who sang and played autoharp, and we won the talent show at a nearby town festival. Back in college I won 3rd & 2nd place, respectively, in nationwide Latin & Greek translation contests sponsored by the Classics honor society.

Been suspended from school:: Never.

Been in a car accident:: A handful of times, never serious.

Had braces:: No.

Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night:: I doubt it, though I'm sure I've come close a few times.

Witnessed a crime:: Once, back in seminary, I was on a neighborhood walk when I came upon a line of cars, each with the driver just sitting there, in a secluded side street. One by one as I approached each car the driver started the car & drove off. I've always wondered if I unwittingly muddled a drug drop or something. Also during seminary, I heard someone noisily trying to break into an apartment below me. If I had the experience to relive again, I would call 911 immediately, but I was afraid to do anything at the time. More recently, I came upon someone parked along a street who was in the midst of the suspicious activity of putting a different license plate on a car.

Swam in the ocean:: Never swam in it. Waded a couple of times.

Sung karaoke: : Yes, if you count it as "singing" when the selection I did was "Whip It" by Devo. I'd like to do more karaoke, but I don't frequent the venues in which it is usually done.

Paid for a meal with only coins:: Sure, back in my dirt-poor days, when I also sometimes would put 50 cents worth of gas in the car just to make sure I got to my destination.

Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose:: A few times, but usually not in front of anyone. Once when I was at the theater watching "Star Trek V" I had a mild chuckle just at the wrong time while swallowing soda, so I had a loud snorting spew which attracted lots of attention. It would have been embarrassing in any case, but it was especially embarrassing then, since it came across as a reaction way out of proportion to the joke's rather low level of funniness, and anyone who's been to Star Trek V knows it's a pretty lame movie anyway.

Been kissed under mistletoe:: No.

Crashed a party:: No.

Worn pearls:: No.

Jumped off a bridge:: No.

Ate dog/cat food:: Dog food a handful of times (no, not a handful of dog food) - it's edible in a bland sort of way. But cat food only once - it has a very strong taste compared to dog food.

Kissed a mirror:: No.

Glued your hand to something:: Not deliberately.

Done a one-handed cartwheel:: Nope, and haven't even done the two-handed variety for over 30 years.

Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours: :No.

Didn't take a shower for a week:: Question should be rephrased, since some people take tub baths, which is what I grew up with. Never went more than 2-3 days without bathing.

Pick and ate an apple right off the tree:: Lots of times, and very recently. We have two apple trees right next to our house.

Been told by a complete stranger that you're hot: Not in those terms, though, unbelievably, I have had a few rather forward come-ons, upon which I won't elaborate.


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